I never take a promise lightly, whether it's one spoken or written to me, or by me. I am going to have to break a promise, though.
After taking a good look at my situation, it only makes sense for me to cancel my cable internet for up to a year. I might be able to install a dial-up modem, and if so can get 10 hours of dial-up access free per month through Netzero. I would need to reserve that 10 hours for bill paying, banking, and email...so MySpace and other social networking is out. My website will not be reactivated in a few months, as promised.
My home has been the greatest burden, with repairs and upkeep in excess of $5000, and the need of a new $6000 heat pump around the corner. My ex has been unable to hold up to his half of the costs, so the entire cost has been on me, as well as the kids' medical expenses. Needless to say, and despite the blessings of many friends, it's been impossible to keep up.
My health has taken a turn for the worse, as much as I've tried to keep up with my condition. I've been without an important medication that effectively manages my condition for almost 2 years now. One of the products I sold in my business (Limu Plus) was such a Godsend, and helped me a lot with that, but I can no longer afford that.
I recently got a decent job offer, only to have to pass on it because I cannot walk far or stand for long. I was most upset about that because the job offers health insurance, and could have been our way out of this mess a lot faster. My personal health insurance (a policy I was paying for out of business profits and such) was canceled to pay some of the bills accrued when my ex was unemployed and support no longer came in. In other words, everything else has been sacrificed, now it's time for the cable to go. The kids are depressed about it, but I feel we'll do fine without internet and television. We're a creative, resourceful family.
I appreciate each and every one of you. Thanks so much for comments and private messages that have shown me how many people care about someone they've never met. I have been very happy lately, as God blesses me at every turn. I have life, love and happiness. The rest is just icing on the cake, and I'm sure my cake will once again be iced when it's intended to happen!
God bless!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Great Balls of Energy
What began as "The Year of New Beginnings" has been a surprise for me. I have become such a positive person, that when I gave 2008 that title, I didn't expect for it to be what it's turned out to be. My biggest mistake was letting my positive attitude prevail as the "School of Hard Knocks" has continued to teach me new tricks about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness. We all get an education there, yet I had it in my head that surely I had graduated. Oh my Tess, how... blond of you. Seriously though, the challenges have kept me busy, and weary.
I gave up my personal website efforts months ago. Every time I thought of returning to it, something else would happen. Finding the time and energy to chat and be present there has been impossible. My children have been through so much, and as I stated before, the two youngest, ages 17 and 15 now, have not dealt with their biological father's decision to leave in the autumn of 2006. My daughter, in particular, has been in and out of therapy, hospitals, emergency rooms, and you name it. As soon as we believe she is coming to terms with things, something else happens. Just recently she wandered away from church alone and was found on a highway alone and dazed, and taken to the ER. She is currently under constant supervision, as the psychiatrists are not positive how to deal with her problems yet.
The beginning of this summer began with the news that my ex husband was unemployed. That meant that the support checks the kids and I live on for the most part, and maintain the home and life he left behind stopped coming. My business had slowly dwindled to nothing, partly because of my inability to work it, partly because of gas prices and the economy in general, and mostly because I gradually saw less coming in to keep it all going. Short version of this part of the story is, we've been broke for months.
I can testify to God's love for us here, because He sent aid through a few very special friends. To be precise, three very wonderful and selfless friends offered moral and financial help during these months. If not for them, the kids and I would have probably lost our house, come close to starving, and heaven only knows what else. Throughout it all our faith was strong, but one thing after another has tumbled into the picture to cloud the rosy picture we've tried to keep in sight. Not even social services turned out to be much help once I waded through the red tape involved. None of that wiped the smile off of my face. I'm far too blessed to allow it.
It's been an interesting summer, that's for certain. Many nice things have happened. I wrote to my ex and his new lady, and wished them well with all of my blessings to go along with it. I've done some studying, made some money doing websites for people, and spent plenty of quality time with my kids. I can't say the drama is over quite yet, though. My daughter was in the ER only two weeks ago, and I'll be taking her back tomorrow for a totally different health issue. My sons are working through some serious personal issues, as well. My ex is working again, and support has resumed, but I have a mountain of debt that grew for two months to worm my way out from under now. I'm not accustomed to debt, I'm normally the type of person who pays cash for everything, and pays my credit cards off monthly. I'm a financial whiz...I can handle this, but it will take some time. My ex is being very kind, and sending as much as he can to make up for lost time, it's just going to have to be spread out so everyone can make it.
Now that things are starting to turn around, I have a lot of thought about returning to my website. The site itself needs a lot of work. I don't even have a webcam on my main computer right now. I could take the time to arrange it all and get back to it, but upon consideration, I've come to the conclusion that I'm exhausted. Drained. Fried. Pick a word. I need some serious down time for myself once I get things on some level of "normality" for my family. I see it around the bend, so it can't be too long.
I've decided to spoil myself for a few months, and take some "me" time. Let's dub it "Tess Time". Yeah, I like it! I will put together a whole new website for everyone to chat with me on, and arrange it so we can run cams to chat more "face to face", for those who would like to. I will make it better than it was....better, stronger...faster... Not a six million dollar site, no. Just a better one. I plan to have it all up and running by 2009, and that is a promise. By then I hope to have more energy.
I was watching an electrical storm on my security cam one day this week, and marveled at the energy mother nature throws around. If only I could bottle that, I'd be back so much sooner. Goodness gracious, great balls of energy, it was amazing.
Send any "Tess Time" or website suggestions to me. I log into MySpace daily, or ask for my email address if you don't already have it. Everyone keep in touch, and please feel free to use what is usable on the site to chat, etc. God bless, and see ya' in 2009!
Sunday, June 29, 2008
The Remedy
Dear Reader,
Scroll down and play the first song as you read this, if you can.
Over the past year or more, part of what I have done in my business is talk to people. I come across many people who hear my story and want to share theirs, perhaps in hopes of finding answers, or just venting pain and frustration. It has been my goal to help everyone in the best way I can. I’ve never claimed to be a qualified therapist or a trained professional, just someone with hopefully enough experience and insight to offer a better way to cope.
Several people over the last week have asked me to post a monumental, life changing blog. There is no one blog, conversation, or event that comes from me or anyone else that will totally change someone’s life. Please, don't read this expecting brights lights going off in anyone's head, or any miraculous revelations. It's actually going to sound very cliché, unless the concept truly does grasp someone who does not "get it" at all before they read it. All I can expect to do is write this well enough to plant a seed, and see if those who need it allow it to grow. The real solution is within each of us anyway, not in the words of anyone else.
At the height of my own pain, I met my best friend and mentor, Pier. She not only brought me to God’s eternal and awesome love, but to something almost as important. A few months later, awesome Shanie taught me almost the same lesson, by just being who he is. It was only after I was able to see myself through the eyes of those two people that life began to change for me. Their unconditional love is, and always will be a treasure, but they gave me a gift well beyond any I’d ever received from another person. It's that treasure that is the remedy, and it's what I try to give to others. It, beyond accepting Christ, has been the best thing to ever happen to me.
We all have things happen to us. People we care about wrong us. Society measures us up to strange standards, and sometimes we are left to feel we fall short. We lose people, jobs, homes, entire lifestyles and have to start over. There are a million and one things that can happen to us to bring us to a low point. Time and general problem solving can mend broken hearts, help us find our niche, replace people, jobs and belongings, and bring us to a point that we call "surviving". It's here where most people feel they should be happy, but still don't feel happy at all. I see some search for a romantic relationship to fill that "happiness gap". Others change jobs or careers, locations...some will try almost anything. Some are wise enough to come to Christ, but even Christians are often left feeling like something is missing. I meet many empty Christians every day.
In the end, there is an essential ingredient to moving on to happiness and joy here in this mixed up world. It's a simple enough concept, yet most of us fail to really grasp it. The remedy is self acceptance, self love. An esteem high enough to know who we are, and love ourselves, regardless of what any one or more other people on this Earth want you to believe.
I've met so many people who are not where they want to be in their lives, just like me. The common denominator is that we all say, or have said, "I can't do that. I don't have it in me to do more." Self confidence, or lack thereof is most definitely a byproduct of self acceptance in my opinion. I'm not talking about ego here, but really and truly loving and believing in ourselves enough to be willing to try and do anything we want to do. Having enough love for ourselves to refuse to believe cruel and cutting words or treatment from others, and to know that we must love ourselves as God loves us before their efforts to cut us down can be shrugged off.
Stop trying to live up to what you perceive as the world's expectations. Rich and poor, fat and skinny, married and single, educated and uneducated, we are all the same and equal in God's eyes. Do what you love within God's word. Love others unconditionally, give agape love freely. In turn, love yourself as well. Reach out and grab what you want, because you know you are good enough to get it. The rest will fall into place...it really will.
God bless you all. I love ya!
Scroll down and play the first song as you read this, if you can.
Over the past year or more, part of what I have done in my business is talk to people. I come across many people who hear my story and want to share theirs, perhaps in hopes of finding answers, or just venting pain and frustration. It has been my goal to help everyone in the best way I can. I’ve never claimed to be a qualified therapist or a trained professional, just someone with hopefully enough experience and insight to offer a better way to cope.
Several people over the last week have asked me to post a monumental, life changing blog. There is no one blog, conversation, or event that comes from me or anyone else that will totally change someone’s life. Please, don't read this expecting brights lights going off in anyone's head, or any miraculous revelations. It's actually going to sound very cliché, unless the concept truly does grasp someone who does not "get it" at all before they read it. All I can expect to do is write this well enough to plant a seed, and see if those who need it allow it to grow. The real solution is within each of us anyway, not in the words of anyone else.
At the height of my own pain, I met my best friend and mentor, Pier. She not only brought me to God’s eternal and awesome love, but to something almost as important. A few months later, awesome Shanie taught me almost the same lesson, by just being who he is. It was only after I was able to see myself through the eyes of those two people that life began to change for me. Their unconditional love is, and always will be a treasure, but they gave me a gift well beyond any I’d ever received from another person. It's that treasure that is the remedy, and it's what I try to give to others. It, beyond accepting Christ, has been the best thing to ever happen to me.
We all have things happen to us. People we care about wrong us. Society measures us up to strange standards, and sometimes we are left to feel we fall short. We lose people, jobs, homes, entire lifestyles and have to start over. There are a million and one things that can happen to us to bring us to a low point. Time and general problem solving can mend broken hearts, help us find our niche, replace people, jobs and belongings, and bring us to a point that we call "surviving". It's here where most people feel they should be happy, but still don't feel happy at all. I see some search for a romantic relationship to fill that "happiness gap". Others change jobs or careers, locations...some will try almost anything. Some are wise enough to come to Christ, but even Christians are often left feeling like something is missing. I meet many empty Christians every day.
In the end, there is an essential ingredient to moving on to happiness and joy here in this mixed up world. It's a simple enough concept, yet most of us fail to really grasp it. The remedy is self acceptance, self love. An esteem high enough to know who we are, and love ourselves, regardless of what any one or more other people on this Earth want you to believe.
I've met so many people who are not where they want to be in their lives, just like me. The common denominator is that we all say, or have said, "I can't do that. I don't have it in me to do more." Self confidence, or lack thereof is most definitely a byproduct of self acceptance in my opinion. I'm not talking about ego here, but really and truly loving and believing in ourselves enough to be willing to try and do anything we want to do. Having enough love for ourselves to refuse to believe cruel and cutting words or treatment from others, and to know that we must love ourselves as God loves us before their efforts to cut us down can be shrugged off.
Stop trying to live up to what you perceive as the world's expectations. Rich and poor, fat and skinny, married and single, educated and uneducated, we are all the same and equal in God's eyes. Do what you love within God's word. Love others unconditionally, give agape love freely. In turn, love yourself as well. Reach out and grab what you want, because you know you are good enough to get it. The rest will fall into place...it really will.
God bless you all. I love ya!
Friday, May 23, 2008
A short essay survey: Filled out on a dare, LOL
About Me Survey...Give complete answers...You have to answer honestly!
Note: I was harassed about doing this one, so don't say I never did anything for ya pal! hehe This one was tough.
* Are you happy right now? Tess says: Right this minute? Sure, very much so. In fact, I am happy most of the time these days. I don't let things get to me for long, which wasn't always the case. I have moments of disappointment, but I don't let them keep me down. I get frustrated when I'm presented with a situation I can't fix right away, because I'm a "fixer". Still yet, I'm happy!
* Where do you see yourself 10 years from now? Tess says: Tough one, I'm not a fortune teller! LOL I'm in transition right now, a wonderful period of time. I'm finding the real me, and what exactly I want out of life. Being single now, I can actually live totally for me, and not for someone else and what they want. It's an exciting time of discovery and I plan to enjoy it! If I answer this on the basis of where I'd like to be...I'd say living in a cute little English style cottage surrounded by trees and my garden. I'll have my kids visiting, and grandkids. There will be travel abroad now and then, and basically enjoying life as I serve the Lord. I will be enjoying my work, and possibly even be sharing my life with a wonderful, loving man. Other than that...who knows??
* What is your relationship status? Tess says: Oh cripes, this one is even tougher! LOL, *gulp*! I am recently divorced, and finding this time in my life the happiest I've experienced since I had my first child and settled into married life! Irony!! I am not exactly "dating" so to speak (my protective youngest son tries to scare my many suitors away, except one maybe hehe), BUT, I do get out and mingle and have a good time when I can. If this question is asking if I am "available", that's the tough answer to give. My heart is taken, but this special person and I are not able to commit at this time, for personal reasons. Is that enough of an answer? *grins*
* How is your health? Tess says: Dynamite compared to a few years ago! I only have one major health condition, and I am supposed to take a medication (one not normally for this condition) for it, but have not been able to since I lost the ex's health insurance coverage with this job...the old "pre-existing condition" problem. I have, however, started a home business involving fantastic health and wellness products. I've been on them for over a year now. My blood tests all come back perfect, and I look and feel years younger. Three years ago I was barely able to walk, but I now bike (thanks to inspiration from Shanie!). I've recently taken up a bit of dancing, too.
*Dogs or cats? Tess says: I love animals, period. Birds are a favorite, but the wild variety, not as pets. A far as pets go, I'm a dog person. Dogs are pack animals, and I'm a family oriented person...so it fits. I've had a cat or two that I was very fond of, but I will leave cat ownership to other people.
*Favorite hobby? Tess says: Hmmm. Back to the "in transition" point. My old hobbies were more artsy craftsy. I don't have much time for that these days, but I do still try to keep my photography up. I do still garden. My flowers look so pretty this year!! I might settle back into another hobby when I get this seemingly full time single parenting job down. :-D
*Tattoos, piercings, or both? Tess says: My ears are pierced, two holes in each ear. I considered a small hummingbird tattoo on my ankle once, but thought better of it. I've changed so much in the past few years, it's a bit scary to consider committing to having anything inked on my body that I can't get rid of later. LOL I'm not conservative or too chicken, just rational to my own needs. I wear my symbols in my heart and actions, not on my body. Besides, nothing worse than watching a nice picture wrinkle and sag as ya age, hehe. Worse yet is having Joe tattooed on ya when you're now with John. *giggle* Just joking you tattoo wearers. I'll leave tattoos and piercings in strange places to the younger crowd. I'll leave my body the peachy cream clean (scarred by life's journey) slate that it is. Makeup I can wash off at the end of the day is enough for me ;-)
*Pub or Club? Tess says: Another tough one, why do I have to choose? :-D I went pub crawling with my Irish friend Aidan over a year ago when he was in the USA visiting. It was fun, even though I do try to moderate my alcohol consumption. I like beer and wine, but they don't always like me. hehe. The club scene is a bit wild for me, but I do like some electronic music and enjoy dancing to some house, techno and trance music. I'm basically a homebody though. Put me on the sofa with someone special, a glass of wine or a beer and some music or good movie...and I'm happy.
In all honesty, I took out a question here about hookups. I'm not even going to dignify that one with an answer. ;-)
Note: I was harassed about doing this one, so don't say I never did anything for ya pal! hehe This one was tough.
* Are you happy right now? Tess says: Right this minute? Sure, very much so. In fact, I am happy most of the time these days. I don't let things get to me for long, which wasn't always the case. I have moments of disappointment, but I don't let them keep me down. I get frustrated when I'm presented with a situation I can't fix right away, because I'm a "fixer". Still yet, I'm happy!
* Where do you see yourself 10 years from now? Tess says: Tough one, I'm not a fortune teller! LOL I'm in transition right now, a wonderful period of time. I'm finding the real me, and what exactly I want out of life. Being single now, I can actually live totally for me, and not for someone else and what they want. It's an exciting time of discovery and I plan to enjoy it! If I answer this on the basis of where I'd like to be...I'd say living in a cute little English style cottage surrounded by trees and my garden. I'll have my kids visiting, and grandkids. There will be travel abroad now and then, and basically enjoying life as I serve the Lord. I will be enjoying my work, and possibly even be sharing my life with a wonderful, loving man. Other than that...who knows??
* What is your relationship status? Tess says: Oh cripes, this one is even tougher! LOL, *gulp*! I am recently divorced, and finding this time in my life the happiest I've experienced since I had my first child and settled into married life! Irony!! I am not exactly "dating" so to speak (my protective youngest son tries to scare my many suitors away, except one maybe hehe), BUT, I do get out and mingle and have a good time when I can. If this question is asking if I am "available", that's the tough answer to give. My heart is taken, but this special person and I are not able to commit at this time, for personal reasons. Is that enough of an answer? *grins*
* How is your health? Tess says: Dynamite compared to a few years ago! I only have one major health condition, and I am supposed to take a medication (one not normally for this condition) for it, but have not been able to since I lost the ex's health insurance coverage with this job...the old "pre-existing condition" problem. I have, however, started a home business involving fantastic health and wellness products. I've been on them for over a year now. My blood tests all come back perfect, and I look and feel years younger. Three years ago I was barely able to walk, but I now bike (thanks to inspiration from Shanie!). I've recently taken up a bit of dancing, too.
*Dogs or cats? Tess says: I love animals, period. Birds are a favorite, but the wild variety, not as pets. A far as pets go, I'm a dog person. Dogs are pack animals, and I'm a family oriented person...so it fits. I've had a cat or two that I was very fond of, but I will leave cat ownership to other people.
*Favorite hobby? Tess says: Hmmm. Back to the "in transition" point. My old hobbies were more artsy craftsy. I don't have much time for that these days, but I do still try to keep my photography up. I do still garden. My flowers look so pretty this year!! I might settle back into another hobby when I get this seemingly full time single parenting job down. :-D
*Tattoos, piercings, or both? Tess says: My ears are pierced, two holes in each ear. I considered a small hummingbird tattoo on my ankle once, but thought better of it. I've changed so much in the past few years, it's a bit scary to consider committing to having anything inked on my body that I can't get rid of later. LOL I'm not conservative or too chicken, just rational to my own needs. I wear my symbols in my heart and actions, not on my body. Besides, nothing worse than watching a nice picture wrinkle and sag as ya age, hehe. Worse yet is having Joe tattooed on ya when you're now with John. *giggle* Just joking you tattoo wearers. I'll leave tattoos and piercings in strange places to the younger crowd. I'll leave my body the peachy cream clean (scarred by life's journey) slate that it is. Makeup I can wash off at the end of the day is enough for me ;-)
*Pub or Club? Tess says: Another tough one, why do I have to choose? :-D I went pub crawling with my Irish friend Aidan over a year ago when he was in the USA visiting. It was fun, even though I do try to moderate my alcohol consumption. I like beer and wine, but they don't always like me. hehe. The club scene is a bit wild for me, but I do like some electronic music and enjoy dancing to some house, techno and trance music. I'm basically a homebody though. Put me on the sofa with someone special, a glass of wine or a beer and some music or good movie...and I'm happy.
In all honesty, I took out a question here about hookups. I'm not even going to dignify that one with an answer. ;-)
Friday, May 9, 2008
Blessings
This entry is to state my many blessings. It may be a long one, and perhaps a bit scattered. I'm very tired, but think it best to write this without thinking too hard about how it is written. It comes from my heart, not my head.
In my previous blog, I mentioned trying to think of ways to carve my expenses so that I can get ahead again, financially. I forgot to mention in that post, that money is not ever a real concern of mine. I am blessed, God is my provider. I am grateful to have good money sense to go along with His support, though. There is a quote that my ex husband would always use about me when talking to other people about my money handling, and it still makes me giggle. He would tell people in a proud tone, "My wife could squeeze the beard off of Lincoln." That still cracks me up. It is true!
Since posting my last blog I have received numerous messages letting me know that my little family is being prayed for. That in itself is a huge blessing. I have so many wonderful friends, and I'd like to take the time to express my gratitude. I want to thank Carol, JR, Randy, Mike, Wade, Lila, Shelby, Michael, and so many more for saying just the right things when I needed to hear them. Your words and prayers were felt, and heard. I want you to know that every comment, every word you take the time to write is taken into my heart.
Just after my last blog post, two people who do not view or read my blogs contacted me about my ability to do websites. They had seen my personal website, and evidently like my style. I'm no pro, but I know my way around a tag or two. I was offered the opportunity to do two websites for a decent fee, which I accepted. There is now a third offer on my plate from an associate of one of the other clients. It seems I'm somewhat back in business doing small websites for people who don't know enough to do their own. Excellent!
One of my MySpace buddies suggested that I look around the house and gather some items to sell on eBay. I really didn't think we had much around here to sell, but I was wrong. I found numerous collector's items that we really don't need, and quite honestly I had forgotten about. They sold quickly, and the amount was enough to pay my cable for over two months. Thanks Wade, you rock! *hugs*
The blessings have continued, and I'd like to share. Two weeks after the blog post, I opened my bank statement to see a strange figure. I contacted the bank to find out that there was money in an account that I believed was emptied, and closed. The bank cannot see a deposit that would account for this money being there, and tell me that it was indeed emptied months ago. They cannot find an error to explain it being there, only that it is there. I asked what should be done with it, and they suggested that I transfer it to my new bank account and close the old one, once again. They said it's my money, whether any of us really knows where it came from or not. Mind you, it's not a mind boggling sum, but it's a decent amount. The irony of this story is that the amount of this mysterious bank deposit equals my tithing to my church from last month...to the penny. I was strained for cash, but tithe first, that's what I believe in doing. My church and God got their money, and I got it back. I leave those of you who are not Christians to assume what you will. I know where the money came from!
There are other friends I would like to thank here. Ryan, your words to me after my ex abandoned us still ring true to me. You told me to remain true in faith, and just love him. Your example to love in the body of Christ helped me begin to forgive, and begin to heal right away. I am eternally grateful to you! Love ya buddy.
Dorothy, you were there to support me during a very hard time. Your advice was heard, and taken. I'm not sure if I told you this, but the things you advised me to do a couple of years ago helped me get the perfect ending that I did. I love ya my friend, it means the world to me that you cared.
Ian, you provided me with the truths that set me free when all I had to go on was lies and deceit. When a woman is being physically abused, she has a way to fight back, because she has visible concrete proof. When someone is abused by lies and being emotionally beat up with those, and it's done behind their backs, well...they have no way to fight back or defend themselves. You gave me what I needed to stand tall and understand why I was being hurt by some awful invisible force. You gave me back the strength that the abuse took away. Thank you! *hugs* Shelby, hold onto that one. ;-)
Gene, your words to me a few months back also gave me great relief. I won't go into detail, but you basically let me off the hook for something I felt bad about, and used scripture to show me that I am doing just as I should. Your support through faith in those conversation validated my response to things for me. I thank you for sharing your wisdom, and knowledge of God's love.
JR, I hope you realize how much your friendship means to me. I feel your love and prayers from across the miles, and I smile so big when I get your messages and comments. They shine like a beacon, and warm my heart. Thank you so much for showing Christ's love to me from so many miles away. You are an incredible man.
Pier, you are truly someone who God uses to reach others. Despite your own struggles, you have been there for me in ways I can never repay you for. I love you dearly, you are forever a sister to me. The lessons you have shown me, and the faith you've helped me to build will be there to last a lifetime. I love you so!
Shane, I don't even know where to begin with you. When I found you, I found a missing piece of myself. You helped me find a kind of joy I have not felt or been able to feel for a large portion of my life, and you were able to do it simply by being you. You've shown me something I needed to see, and it's made me a far happier person. When I think of you, my heart smiles in a way it hasn't since I was a very young girl. You will always be a part of me, no matter what life brings us. Love ya' hon, and will always be here for you, too. There is forever a special part of my heart marked Shane. You live there, as long as I live.
To my loving family, I don't even have the words. My parents, my siblings are all there as much as they can be. You know I love you all, and am here for you. To my kids, I am the most blessed mom in the universe. Most mothers have to wait a very long time to see what I am seeing right now. At a very young age, each one of you have demonstrated that you have become strong, wise, wonderful people. I could not be any prouder of you. If I was not your mother, I would feel the same way. I love you guys, I love you so much!
I am a blessed woman indeed. I thank my Father for caring for me. I aim to be faithful and deserve such blessings.
In my previous blog, I mentioned trying to think of ways to carve my expenses so that I can get ahead again, financially. I forgot to mention in that post, that money is not ever a real concern of mine. I am blessed, God is my provider. I am grateful to have good money sense to go along with His support, though. There is a quote that my ex husband would always use about me when talking to other people about my money handling, and it still makes me giggle. He would tell people in a proud tone, "My wife could squeeze the beard off of Lincoln." That still cracks me up. It is true!
Since posting my last blog I have received numerous messages letting me know that my little family is being prayed for. That in itself is a huge blessing. I have so many wonderful friends, and I'd like to take the time to express my gratitude. I want to thank Carol, JR, Randy, Mike, Wade, Lila, Shelby, Michael, and so many more for saying just the right things when I needed to hear them. Your words and prayers were felt, and heard. I want you to know that every comment, every word you take the time to write is taken into my heart.
Just after my last blog post, two people who do not view or read my blogs contacted me about my ability to do websites. They had seen my personal website, and evidently like my style. I'm no pro, but I know my way around a tag or two. I was offered the opportunity to do two websites for a decent fee, which I accepted. There is now a third offer on my plate from an associate of one of the other clients. It seems I'm somewhat back in business doing small websites for people who don't know enough to do their own. Excellent!
One of my MySpace buddies suggested that I look around the house and gather some items to sell on eBay. I really didn't think we had much around here to sell, but I was wrong. I found numerous collector's items that we really don't need, and quite honestly I had forgotten about. They sold quickly, and the amount was enough to pay my cable for over two months. Thanks Wade, you rock! *hugs*
The blessings have continued, and I'd like to share. Two weeks after the blog post, I opened my bank statement to see a strange figure. I contacted the bank to find out that there was money in an account that I believed was emptied, and closed. The bank cannot see a deposit that would account for this money being there, and tell me that it was indeed emptied months ago. They cannot find an error to explain it being there, only that it is there. I asked what should be done with it, and they suggested that I transfer it to my new bank account and close the old one, once again. They said it's my money, whether any of us really knows where it came from or not. Mind you, it's not a mind boggling sum, but it's a decent amount. The irony of this story is that the amount of this mysterious bank deposit equals my tithing to my church from last month...to the penny. I was strained for cash, but tithe first, that's what I believe in doing. My church and God got their money, and I got it back. I leave those of you who are not Christians to assume what you will. I know where the money came from!
There are other friends I would like to thank here. Ryan, your words to me after my ex abandoned us still ring true to me. You told me to remain true in faith, and just love him. Your example to love in the body of Christ helped me begin to forgive, and begin to heal right away. I am eternally grateful to you! Love ya buddy.
Dorothy, you were there to support me during a very hard time. Your advice was heard, and taken. I'm not sure if I told you this, but the things you advised me to do a couple of years ago helped me get the perfect ending that I did. I love ya my friend, it means the world to me that you cared.
Ian, you provided me with the truths that set me free when all I had to go on was lies and deceit. When a woman is being physically abused, she has a way to fight back, because she has visible concrete proof. When someone is abused by lies and being emotionally beat up with those, and it's done behind their backs, well...they have no way to fight back or defend themselves. You gave me what I needed to stand tall and understand why I was being hurt by some awful invisible force. You gave me back the strength that the abuse took away. Thank you! *hugs* Shelby, hold onto that one. ;-)
Gene, your words to me a few months back also gave me great relief. I won't go into detail, but you basically let me off the hook for something I felt bad about, and used scripture to show me that I am doing just as I should. Your support through faith in those conversation validated my response to things for me. I thank you for sharing your wisdom, and knowledge of God's love.
JR, I hope you realize how much your friendship means to me. I feel your love and prayers from across the miles, and I smile so big when I get your messages and comments. They shine like a beacon, and warm my heart. Thank you so much for showing Christ's love to me from so many miles away. You are an incredible man.
Pier, you are truly someone who God uses to reach others. Despite your own struggles, you have been there for me in ways I can never repay you for. I love you dearly, you are forever a sister to me. The lessons you have shown me, and the faith you've helped me to build will be there to last a lifetime. I love you so!
Shane, I don't even know where to begin with you. When I found you, I found a missing piece of myself. You helped me find a kind of joy I have not felt or been able to feel for a large portion of my life, and you were able to do it simply by being you. You've shown me something I needed to see, and it's made me a far happier person. When I think of you, my heart smiles in a way it hasn't since I was a very young girl. You will always be a part of me, no matter what life brings us. Love ya' hon, and will always be here for you, too. There is forever a special part of my heart marked Shane. You live there, as long as I live.
To my loving family, I don't even have the words. My parents, my siblings are all there as much as they can be. You know I love you all, and am here for you. To my kids, I am the most blessed mom in the universe. Most mothers have to wait a very long time to see what I am seeing right now. At a very young age, each one of you have demonstrated that you have become strong, wise, wonderful people. I could not be any prouder of you. If I was not your mother, I would feel the same way. I love you guys, I love you so much!
I am a blessed woman indeed. I thank my Father for caring for me. I aim to be faithful and deserve such blessings.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Possible Hiatus
I may have to go offline for 6 months to a year, although nothing has been decided definitely as of right now. I thought I'd post this now rather than wait until I was nearly gone.
I had to have my entire house re-piped for water service due to a major leak under my concrete slab. The plumbers just finished yesterday, and now I'll redo and repair the drywall on my own to save money. They tore up at least one wall in every room but two! *snickers*
After all of the medical bills for the kids lately, my savings account was already drained, so this nearly $3500 plumbing bill really left me in a bind. Ouchie! LOL I was forced to put it on my credit card. The last remaining money I had saved to buy a car will go toward paying part of that, then I am left paying the rest. I still need the car too, mind you. The kids and I have been taking cabs for over a year, and one typical round trip costs us $40. I was also informed that cabbies here are getting a raise. Oh goodie!
My thoughts toward getting ahead financially a little is to cancel my Roadrunner cable for six months to a year, and use the $100 a month to help pay off the plumbing debt. That in itself won't help me save for a car, but I'm hoping my business picks up soon. I have been so busy that I have not been working my business like I was, so sales and such did fall off a little. This single mom gig is really my first priority, so I don't regret my decision to put the kids before my business.
I am also considering part-time work of some sort, although without a car I'm limited there, as well. Once the kids are more stable here at home, I can move up to full time work, but the trick is finding a job I can get to every day without reliable transportation.
My last resort would be to cancel my health insurance policy and use that $300 a month to take care of things. Going without health insurance is not at all wise, but if I leave my health in God's hands I suppose it might be an option.
At any rate, my internet connection is first choice to go, so be aware I may go missing a while. I'll send out official word if this is what I decide to do.
I had to have my entire house re-piped for water service due to a major leak under my concrete slab. The plumbers just finished yesterday, and now I'll redo and repair the drywall on my own to save money. They tore up at least one wall in every room but two! *snickers*
After all of the medical bills for the kids lately, my savings account was already drained, so this nearly $3500 plumbing bill really left me in a bind. Ouchie! LOL I was forced to put it on my credit card. The last remaining money I had saved to buy a car will go toward paying part of that, then I am left paying the rest. I still need the car too, mind you. The kids and I have been taking cabs for over a year, and one typical round trip costs us $40. I was also informed that cabbies here are getting a raise. Oh goodie!
My thoughts toward getting ahead financially a little is to cancel my Roadrunner cable for six months to a year, and use the $100 a month to help pay off the plumbing debt. That in itself won't help me save for a car, but I'm hoping my business picks up soon. I have been so busy that I have not been working my business like I was, so sales and such did fall off a little. This single mom gig is really my first priority, so I don't regret my decision to put the kids before my business.
I am also considering part-time work of some sort, although without a car I'm limited there, as well. Once the kids are more stable here at home, I can move up to full time work, but the trick is finding a job I can get to every day without reliable transportation.
My last resort would be to cancel my health insurance policy and use that $300 a month to take care of things. Going without health insurance is not at all wise, but if I leave my health in God's hands I suppose it might be an option.
At any rate, my internet connection is first choice to go, so be aware I may go missing a while. I'll send out official word if this is what I decide to do.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Ms Dad Gets Crafty
This gal has always loved making and repairing things. It used to be needle crafts and sewing were the craft du jour, but I’ve been strapping on a tool belt lately. This house, which I must sell in a few years (or refinance the loan in my name only first), is in dire need of repairs. I am fixing what I can alone, and that has often required more tools than I currently own. That’s going to be my gift to myself come Mother’s Day next month. I can count 3 jobs left undone because I need a drill. Woohoo, momma is packing tools, baby! :wink: I have my eye on this one. Any suggestions, you tool experts?
I have a blog to post soon regarding my lunatic son and his arm splint another time. For now, it’s shower and bed time. Another busy day ahead for tomorrow.
I have a blog to post soon regarding my lunatic son and his arm splint another time. For now, it’s shower and bed time. Another busy day ahead for tomorrow.
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